April 25, 2004

Email exchange

In the progress of posting more email replies from Miriam. Thought this one was worth sharing:

hello miriam,

I have read your story on miriamssecret.com............
I would like too address one issue raised within it, namely your decision to stay pre-op which I respect BUT:-
Your mum said "why stay half and half"
I think she said this as if you wish too attract a open minded straight guy then I can say speaking as one that post-op is the way too go.
When us guys look at a female we find all of her attractive.............
You have a beautifull face, a nice in shape body, and nice female breasts but male groin organ (nice way of saying penis I hope.......lol)
I know this what a pre-op transsexual is but you have obviously gone through alot too become a woman, I know its a major stage but i'm sure it would help in your quest too find love.
Because...........genuinely straight guys won't find you sexually aattractive due to the male groin organ.
Gay guys usually seem to like macho/str8 guys......they like men to be men (I know I have some gay friends)
Bi-guys will usually return to their wives..................
Sorry if that is a bit of a downer but thats the way life is, if you want happiness/love maybe time to conform (just a little)
Maybe you'll find a guy who will accept your pre-op status but i'm sure they are few and far between and will severely limit your future dating opportunities.

Bye the way I am a psychologist by trade and have studied human sexual behaviour so feel qualified to comment.



Thanks for you email. I don't know if I agree with you. Should I go post op just to find true love? Surely the reason to go post op would be because I need to do it, that it is a driving desire within me rather than just to hopefully attract some man? That's a bit like saying that a woman should conform to men's expectations and wear make-up or suspenders rather than be themselves. There are a lot of guys out there who are attracted to girls like us. A lot of guys who see past the "groin area" and fall in love with the person and then accommodate the things that come along with it. Going post op has a lot of consequences, I am not sure that medical technology is good enough yet. A lot of Tgirls get depressed after the operation. Some don't.

I know that if I go post it will be because I decide and not because I need to conform. I understand your sentiments but there are enough beautiful guys out there! You would be surprised how my dating opportunities are not limited! Don't go by the show. I have a great time with guys!

Rather than conform, lets look for a world that is a better place to live!

Miriam X

Posted by Mike at April 25, 2004 05:49 PM | TrackBack


Wake up. This girl now has world wide coverage. She will not have any trouble finding the people guy/girl/bi or otherwise that she is attracted to. Matt I question your credentials. I'd hoped a psychologist would be more open minded, and I suggest you get out and experience the real world.

Posted by: Greg at May 11, 2004 10:34 AM

to be fair i can understand what matt was saying, obviously it would be "easier" to conform to society's "norm" but what is normal these days? BUT, why would she have to change to find true love?... its not really "true" love if the guys are only interested after the op, is it?

i think that miriam has every right to live her life as she pleases, because at the end of it all if she spent her life any other way, she wouldnt have lived a very fullfilling life at all. it's hard enough to come to terms with your own personal demons/issues, which i'm sure shes had at some stage... but it seems she's found her path and good on her for continuing to live the life that's rightfully hers.

Posted by: annabella at May 14, 2004 01:47 AM

Miriam is right on the money with this one.
It is hard to hear what Matt had to say. Western culuture is so obsessed over people's genitals, pre-occupied with sex (with probably about 90% of people never ending up with what they truely want)... It makes sense that people continuealy berage Transgirls (such as myself) with this notion that.. to have Sex Reassignment Surgery is the "Only way you'll find your true love."

I think Mariam and I both know it's crap.
Like she said, there are plenty of great men out there who "get it" or are attracted to pre-op transwomen. The notion or conception that a "real man" wants a "real woman w/ a vagina" is just shit.

I am not having SRS for a lot of reasons, the least of which has anything to do with my partner. Like Miriam said, it's making a HUGE life altering decision on a whim for someone else that you yourself have to live with (with our without that person). Would you buy a house because someone felt more comfortable dating someone with a house? Would you get lyposuction because the person who you want to date ideally wants you thin? How about penis enlargement? The idea may sound ubsurd but to undergo such fundimental physical alterations has to come from someplace deep inside you.

Miriam is GORGEOUS, if she has gotten to the place in her transition where she is comfortbale; MORE POWER TO HER!

I know I have..
And I've been with my partner for 2+ years.. we're going strong and I don't see that changing anytime soon.. We're very much in love.

And hell, I live in MAINE (which if you're in the UK would be like a remote part of Scottland). Love is everywhere, but most importantly it is inside ourselves (right?). I don't necessarily think you find love, sometimes it just finds you.

Sincere Reguards,

Posted by: Danielle Askini at May 16, 2004 01:19 PM


i can understand what matt is saying, but love comes from inside and not from the outside,men of the the past loved quiet and compliant women. but the man of the future love independant and strong women. in the past men loved slim women but now it is attractive to havelarge buttocks and ample breasts times change as do opinions.

so in other words views of the perfect women are changing with time !! eventually people will also view that transexual women pre-op or post-op can also be attractive,beutiful and special !!
we do not control who we fall in love with these things just happen. i just hope sooner rather than later people realise that EVERYONE in this worls are equal and deserve the same human rights,transexuals don't wish to be transexual,they have to make best with the cards that they are dealt.. and narrow people will have to realise we are people, our blood is red, we cry when we're hurt, we love and want to be loved like any other human.. people spout off about equality when that is not what they truly want and is not achievable as everyone can not be the same.. what we need is compassion and understanding to make the world a better place.. and that means everyone is different inside and OUT....

Posted by: dionne at May 19, 2004 10:39 PM



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